


Watch Me As My World Burns Down

by Amethyzt



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24548557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethyzt/pseuds/Amethyzt
Summary: His eyes wander over to Emori, where Jackson is currently checking her vitals, and Raven doesn’t miss that.“I didn’t know the radiation was that bad,” she says. “If I did, I wouldn’t have sent her in there... Or them.” She whispers that last part, but he heard her.“Well, someone would have had to go in regardless. If not, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”Or, a short oneshot in which Murphy goes through a series of emotions while watching Raven struggle after her actions following S7E3.
Relationships: Emori/John Murphy/Raven Reyes (slight), John Murphy/Raven Reyes
Comments: 4
Kudos: 95





	Watch Me As My World Burns Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [easilydistractedbyfanfic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/easilydistractedbyfanfic/gifts).



> Title was taken from the song "Drown" by Boy in Space. If you want more angst, feel free to play it in the background as you read. 
> 
> Dedicating this to EasilyDistractedbyFanfic because she writes so much for this fandom, and she humors all my wild theories and listens to my rants lol And I know last episode wasn't your favorite. Hope this helps! :)

Murphy hates seeing her like this.

There’s no other word to describe the flame-hot churning in the pit of his stomach and the tightening knot at his throat, or the clench in his jaw. He watches as Jackson swabs the cuts on her face with alcohol, his eyes honing in on her wince, and he hates all of it. He hates that her eyes look dead. He hates that he can see her self-loathing in her expression. He hates that there's really nothing he can say to make it better.

“Murphy, can you keep cleaning her cuts?” Jackson asks, and Murphy tears his eyes away from Raven. “I need to take a look at Emori.”

Murphy nods, grabs a new cotton pad and pours alcohol on it. But when he goes to touch her, Raven flinches and pulls away.

“I can do it myself.”

Her biting tone grates at him. But even as she masks it with anger, he can sense the hurt she’s projecting. He takes a deep breath, and tries again.

“I said I can do it myself,” Raven repeats, this time halfheartedly.

“Just relax, okay,” he tells her, mentally shaking his head that this is the best he could come up with. He's shit at this type of thing, and the hates that the words that fall from his lips are, “You’re lucky Nikki didn’t break one of your ribs.”

Raven looks up at him as he cleans the cuts around her eye. “Maybe she should have. How the mighty have fallen, right?”

He sighs, her words stinging. In times like this, he wishes he had a filter. He shouldn’t have said that to her, not when the wound was so fresh. And yet at the same time, what else should he have said in that moment? Probably nothing. Just acknowledging that she had killed these men would have been enough. But he was angry—at the situation, and if he's being honest with himself, he was a little angry with her too. He hates that he felt that way, but when he heard the robotic voice announcing she'd locked him in... He felt like she had plunged a knife into his stomach. 

And yet still, he hates that his comment probably felt like a sharp kick to her gut. Every ounce of anger had vanished the moment he saw Nikki throw a punch, replaced by an overwhelming amount of alarm. His heart felt like it had skyrocketed out of his chest and he and Emori didn't hesitate to get Nikki away from Raven, no matter how exhausted they felt due to the radiation.

His eyes wander over to Emori, where Jackson is currently checking her vitals, and Raven doesn’t miss that.

“I didn’t know the radiation was that bad,” she says. “If I did, I wouldn’t have sent her in there... Or them.” She whispers that last part, but he heard her.

“Well, someone would have had to go in regardless. If not, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Yeah, but I would’ve—” she stops short when Murphy reaches a particularly sore part of her cheekbone, hissing in pain. He’s relieved the other Eligius prisoners were able to get Nikki off Raven when they did. He didn’t blame her for wanting Raven to pay for Hatch’s death. Murphy would have to be a hypocrite to judge another person for that.

But he knows that Raven was put in an impossible situation. There were no good choices. He’s been there. He gets it.

He still hates it, but there's no way in hell he'd ever just sit back and watch Raven get thrown around like that. She didn't deserve that.

Jackson circles back to them, nodding in approval at Murphy’s work. “I want to keep an eye on Emori here for a while longer,” he tells him, even as Emori weakly protests from the other side of medical. “How are you feeling?”

It feels odd to have Jackson ask him this question, a day after he’d visibly condemned Murphy for playing a role in Abby’s death. But Jackson was a doctor. This was what he did, even if it looked like he'd rather be doing anything else. 

“I’m fine,” Murphy replies. He's a little nauseous, but his mind is clear. 

“Can you get her to the farmhouse?”

At this Raven, lets out a frustrated huff. “Can you stop talking about me like I’m not here? I don’t need an escort.”

Murphy and Jackson exchange a look, and then Murphy looks over at Emori who nods. He and Jackson help her down from the exam table, and Murphy places a hand on her shoulder and the other on her bicep to steady her.

She and Murphy make it out of medical before Raven starts to pull away. “Let go. Jackson isn't around anymore and I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” he says, and while his grip on her remains steady, it’s not so tight that she couldn’t get away if she wanted. “It’s a long way to the farmhouse.”

“I can make it.”

“I know you can,” he says. “But you don’t have to. I know you’re worried about Emori. We can stay in the palace.”

At his surprise, she doesn’t put up an argument over this. One look at her and he realizes she’s too exhausted to fight more. If he wasn’t so damn nauseous and tired himself, he’d pick her up and carry her to the palace.

The thought makes him smirk. How the mighty have fallen indeed. Here he was thinking about carrying Raven Reyes, who at one point wouldn’t touch him with a 10-foot pole, bridal-style into a half-burned fairy tale palace, in a place where at least one-third of the population believed him to be a god.

He takes her to his and Emori’s bedroom. “You can have the bed, I’ll take the chaise.” Unlike Emori, he didn't share the same affinity for the mountain of pillows. They made his back hurt. 

“It’s your room. I’ll take the chaise,” she says, pulling away from him and slowly walking towards it. 

Murphy shrugs. “Fine, suit yourself.” It's not worth bickering about, he decides. He drops down onto the bed with a groan, flinging half of the pillows onto the floor before fixing his eyes on the ceiling above.

He’s never been good at this… Bellamy would have known what to say to her, even if Raven would have just rolled her eyes at him. It was a selfish decision to bring her to the palace. Even with Emori, the palace was unnerving. The smell of residual smoke makes him dizzy if he lingers too much on it. He would have much rather stayed at the farmhouse with everyone else in the tiny bedroom Clarke assign him and Emori.

It also feels good to have Raven near where he can keep an eye on her. He’s not her guard dog, nor does he think she wants him to be, but right now, whether she likes it or not, she needs him. He doesn't want to give Nikki another chance for a second round. And beyond that, he's just glad to be with her, another human in the same room. Being alone would only torture Raven further.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like this—each staring up at the ceiling in total silence, with only the occasional noise from outside. Dusk falls, and Sanctum starts to quiet down. He might’ve fallen asleep for a bit there.

Then he hears soft sobs coming from her direction, muffled mourning cries, and it breaks him. Splits him down to the very bone.

There are many things Murphy can stand in this universe.

Raven crying is not one of them.

He sits up on the bed, sees that she’s covered her face with her hands, her shoulders visibly shaking even as she's laid down. He pads over to her and kneels in front of her on the ground. “Hey, don’t. Please don’t cry.”

She inhales, sniffling and wipes her face with her hands. Her tears must sting her cuts. He finds himself wiping a wayward tear away from her cheekbone, his fingers burning as he realizes how intimately he just grazed her skin.

She sits up on the chaise, and Murphy finds himself kneeling at her feet. The imagery does something to him, so he heaves himself up to sit beside her before he can dwell too much on it.

“Hey, look I know I was an ass earlier,” he says, “but you did what you had to do to save everyone. I know that, and Emori does too, even if nobody else knows that.”

“But I didn’t do it the right way,” she says.

“There wasn't a right way,” he says.

She swallows, her chin jutting out stubbornly. “I could’ve been honest from the start. I shouldn’t have told them it was safe. Nikki was right—he _trusted_ me, and I—.”

“Hatch knew what he was doing,” Murphy says, cutting her off. “He died so that Nikki and all of us could live. He knew it was a life or death situation.”

“But I didn’t give him a choice,” she says forcefully. “I made it for him.”

Murphy sighs. “Yeah, you did.”

Raven folds over, hiding her face in her hands again. For a second, he worries that she’ll start crying again. He relaxes when he only hears her soft breathing. They fall silent for a beat… then another. When she does talk, her voice is soft.

“Does it get better?” she asks.

If she were any other person, he would lie to her. That would be the easy way out. But it’s Raven, and he can’t do that to her.

“No,” Murphy says. “But you wake up tomorrow and try to do better, and you keep doing that. Morality, not immortality, remember?”

She looks up at him, and at the very least, her frown is a little less sad. That's good enough for today. Raven nods once. “I’m sorry, by the way. I lost my head back there. If something happened to you, I...”

Murphy pulls her close before she can finish that thought, in a slightly awkward side embrace. It's as much as their position on the chaise will allow. He does it gently though, because he doesn’t want to hold her so tight as to hurt her. “We’re okay.” Without thinking twice about it, he brings his lips to her temple, and she draws in a soft breath of surprise.

He would never dare say this out loud, but she was his family. No matter what, he has her back.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to call this a missing scene between S7Ep3 and Ep4 even without watching the next episode because the 100 rarely slows down to give us these moments. I had a lot of feelings after Ep 3. *cries in Murven feels*


End file.
